Burning Curtains (and Other Household Items)
by OnceABlueMoon
Summary: "What is love?" Lal had asked in the buzz of the wedding, staring at the bridesmaid dress Luce had guilted her into. "When you meet my wife." Iemitsu had said, slamming back his drink. Lal hadn't expected that particular prediction to come true, that's for sure.


Title: Burning Curtains (and Other Household Items)  
Author: OnceABlueMoon  
Rating: T  
Pairing: Lal Mirch/Sawada Nana  
Tags/Warnings:  
Summary: "What is love?" Lal had asked in the buzz of the wedding, staring at the bridesmaid dress Luce had guilted her into.

"When you meet my wife." Iemitsu had said, slamming back his drink.

Lal hadn't expected _that_ particular prediction to come true, that's for sure.

Disclaimer: I don't own Katekyo Hitman Reborn.

Written for the khrrarepairweek Day 7 - Mist Day Fake/Pretend Relationship

* * *

"What is love?" Lal had asked in the buzz of the wedding, staring at the bridesmaid dress Luce had guilted her into.

"When you meet my wife." Iemitsu had said, slamming back his drink.

Lal hadn't expected _that_ particular prediction to come true, that's for sure.

* * *

It started a little like this:

There are only so many years one can babysit a grown man before combusting spontaneously. While Basil had nodded along to these words sagely many a time, it had never quite occurred to him that _Lal_ was among these people.

At least, not until now.

* * *

''What do you mean 'a vacation'?''

''I'm leaving, out, so long, arrivederci, bye without the ''good'', Iemitsu!'' Lal threw her hands up in the air and flung them down again with a smack.

God, she was done with that utter jerkface cry-baby poop-face of a man. She wanted out of this office right now, leave CEDEF headquarters and go the fuck away. She paced up and down in front of his desk.

''But you went on the annual CEDEF holiday not even two months ago! Look, I have a picture of you, right here! Aww, look at you! All frowny-faced and shooting at me! We had so much fun! How could you forget our time together? I even wore a onesie for the special occasion!''

Lal clapped her hands over Basil's ears, glaring at Iemitsu over his head. ''Don't you dare say that word again, Iemitsu. Basil had _nightmares.''_

It didn't help much, because Basil could hear them just fine. He bit his lip and shuffled a little closer to her side. As always, she generated heat, even through her clothes. A furnace, always warm.

''Well, the fact remains that you don't have vacation days left and-''

With a thud, Lal threw a pile of papers in front of Iemitsu. ''Good thing then that I took the mission of making sure the next assassination attempt on your son doesn't succeed! All the way in Japan, small town, lovely weather!'' She smiled, eyes creasing, sugar sweetness dripping off like acid. ''So thoughtful of you to keep putting assigning it off so I could pick it up!''

Iemitsu crossed his arms. ''We can't just go out giving people time off! That's far beneath your qualifications!''

Lal raised an eyebrow. ''And who's to say that the God of Death won't show up at your doorstep? It'd say he's certainly on my level, wouldn't you?''

Her boss' eyes narrowed. ''Oh, he is. But if you're out on the clock… Then I suppose I'll just have to take Basil in for the time being.''

Her grip on the child's shoulder tightened. ''Over my dead body. He's going with me.''

Iemitsu pouted. ''Aww, you're no fun, Lalie!''

She marched them out of the office before she'd do something that would probably traumatise the real child in the room. Like, just imagine for one glorious second, murdering Iemitsu in cold blood and stringing him up on his desk with his own entrails.

Was that- No way. She exhaled slow and careful, before turning around again and meeting Iemitsu's gaze straight on.

''Stop snickering, Iemitsu. It's about time you wipe your own behind. I'm not doing it for you anymore!''

With that, the door slammed shut behind her.

* * *

Meeting Nana for the first time was like getting struck by lightning. It fried Lal's nerves, and then left her system just as quickly.

''Erm. Hello.'' God, that wave was awkward. Lal quickly stuffed her hands into her pockets.

Nana was just a woman, she told herself as she herded Basil into the Sawada household, hand on his shoulder. But it wasn't just that; It was the warm smile Nana gave her when entering. It was the joy she took in cooking. It was the quirky way she put up her hair and-

''Lal, darling?''

God, the first time Nana had said that Lal had nearly gone into fight or flight instinct, but she'd gotten that under control now. Except for that time when she accidentally set the curtains on fire when Nana said it to her while she was lighting the candles, but they'd been ugly as sin anyway. Iemitsu must've chosen them; The new ones were much better. That Lal had helped Nana choose those had nothing to do with it.

''Yes?''

Nana walked into the garden, putting a hand on her arm. ''It's not that I don't appreciate your efforts, but, well… Letting the children run drills is a bit much before school. Would you consider doing this after dinner instead, so they'll be tired for bed?''

''Oh.''

This was why Lal liked Nana. There had been some things out there that were not entirely good for her son's education before Lal arrived- Tsuna had clearly never run a lap in his life- but she always was respectful about the way Lal raised Basil. Lal appreciated that. She'd been raising Basil with her roommate for years, and while Oregano was the one who originally had wanted the child, Lal had very much become his mother as well. She was proud of that, even if her way of raising wasn't exactly traditional.

God, she'd been glad for Oregano when Iemitsu just showed up out of the blue with a baby of all things. But CEDEF's childcare left quite a bit to be desired and if Iemitsu thought he was in any way qualified to raise a child, he was even more delusional than she already thought he was.

Looking at Tsuna and Basil chasing each other over the lawn, it really had been the best that Iemitsu had as little involvement in raising both of them as possible. Che, who needed fathers anyway? Lal huffed. Basil had just done fine with two mothers! And so would Tsuna!

…Oh god, she did NOT just think that.

She turned back to the conversation at hand, attempting to pretend her cheeks were not on fire.

Back to the issue at hand. ''I could arrange that.''

Nana beamed like a thousand suns.

Lal felt like fairy lights had replaced her veins, lighting her up from the inside out in a thousand colours, shining their light softly into the night.

 _''What is love?''_

 _''When you meet my wife,''_ Iemitsu had said.

And now, head in her hands as Nana brought the children to school, she cursed Iemitsu and his apparent prophecies. Must've been some Giglio Nero blood, as if it wasn't bad enough already that _Reborn_ had bred with one of those. Aria was already proving to be a major threat to civilization at eight, with her mother's talents and her father's sheer need for chaos.

…Speaking of Reborn, Lal was about to make a very bad life decision, but Reborn was her best friend and she really needed him right now. She pulled her phone out of her pocket.

Lal: Have you ever wanted to yell "Just date me!" into someone's face?  
Reborn: No? They fall at my feet when I walk in

Reborn: I'm fabulous like that  
Lal: Not helping.  
Reborn: ...  
Lal: ...  
Lal: Have you ever wanted to yell "Just date me!" into your boss' wife's face?  
Reborn: …I'm coming over.

* * *

''…You weren't kidding when you said you were coming?'' Was the first thing Lal said when she opened the door, hair all over the place.

Reborn inspected his nails, ignoring the neighbours looking over the hedge curiously. ''Of course I wasn't kidding. Who do you take me for? You're having an emotional crisis and I have _duties, Lal, duties._ Flying all over the world for you was _clearly necessary.''_

Lal narrowed her eyes. ''As long as you don't terrify the children.''

''You do that enough yourself.''

Lal huffed and threw the door open to let him in. ''While I admit I'm far from the ideal parent, I do know how to train a soldier and that's kind of similar,'' she cocked her head as she absentmindedly took his coat, ''…Right?''

Reborn shook his head and patted her shoulder. ''You poor child.''

''If you just came to patronize me, you know where the door is, Reborn.''

Reborn pouted. ''I didn't even take Aria with me to cause chaos. I'm purely here for your emotional needs, you could stand to be a bit nicer. Or give me coffee. I would take mean and coffee too.''

''Guns, coffee and sadism are the entire reason this friendship still functions. I took my coffee blend from Italy, don't worry.''

Patronizing were half Reborn's reasons to exist- didn't mean Lal was going to put up with it.

* * *

Reborn loved Lal. He really did. Which was why he was discarding plan 17 to lock her and Nana into a closet, because CLEARLY she was too thick to get the hint.

This was it. He would have to push their heads together and say: "kiss" while their cheeks were uncomfortably smooshed against each other.

Hmmm... What if he threatened them at gunpoint instead? Would make for a fair bit dramatics, but Lal would probably just whip out that pistol she kept either in her underwear, or in some kind of magical pocket dimension. Never underestimate a woman who served.

Before he could put any plans into motion, Nana had dinner on the table. ''Lal, dear, would you please get the decanter?''

''Which one?''

''The one Iemitsu picked, his name should still be on the bottom!''

This was, of course, when Lal knocked a rather ugly decanter off the coffee table with the gleeful expression of a cat who destroyed your possessions just because they could. It shattered upon the floor in nearly a thousand pieces of murky, green glass.

''Oh, dear,'' she said, ''It seems I ruined his precious possession!''

Nana stuck her head around the doorway. ''What a mess! We'll have to go get a new one when we go to the store this weekend! Let me get the vacuum cleaner!''

Lal nodded. ''I'll add it to the list. Right under the rug that mysteriously caught fire.''

''…Would that happen to be Iemitsu's as well?'' Reborn muttered underneath his breath.

Lal stiffened, before tilting her chin up proudly.

Reborn smirked. ''You're not doing so bad on your own as you made it out to be.''

Lal shrugged, crouched down and picked up a dustpan. Sweeping the glass up, she hummed. ''Only so far. My vendetta against Iemitsu just… Helps things along. I can't make moves on a married woman, but even I have frustrations that need to be outed in _some_ way. Her companionship is enough for me if that's all I can get.''

The back door went open, Basil and Tsuna bouncing up and down, a ball still in their hands.

Lal glared at the kids. ''You two, return to the garden, don't come back until Nana has vacuumed here.''

They scurried away, but the distraction was not enough to deter Reborn from asking questions. He took another sip of his coffee. ''Are you sure?''

''Yes, I'm sure. Not everything's about physical intimacy, no matter how hot your partner is.'' She blew a strand of hair out of her face, ''Doesn't mean that the next thing that's going to be accidentally destroyed isn't the wedding picture, of course.''

''Wedding picture? What wedding picture?'' Nana asked from the doorway, blinking at them with the vacuum cleaner next to her.

Lal froze, then robotically reached for her coffee. ''…Your wedding picture?''

Nana put the vacuum cleaner down. ''There is no wedding picture.''

Lal laughed nervously. ''There isn't?''

''No, because I put it away the minute the divorce got through.''

Lal spat out her coffee. Nana kept talking, voice calm, not taking her eyes off Lal. ''I had been wondering why you'd been going about it in such a roundabout way. But apparently, you didn't know about this?'' She sighed, putting a hand on her hip, ''I really should've guessed. Iemitsu and I split up over severe communication issues, so that extending to his work isn't much of a surprise.''

Lal sputtered. ''But you're called Sawada!''

''Tsuna didn't stop being Iemitsu's child because we divorced; Being his heir is dangerous and I do not have the means to protect him beyond Iemitsu's name and various favours from the Hibari family.''

Lal squeaked. ''So you've known all this time? About the rug, and the souvenirs and the books on pick axes?''

Nana beamed, crossing the room and taking her hand. ''And the overalls, the lamp and the curtains, yes.''

Lal turned red, the flush creeping down her neck. ''The curtains were an honest accident!''

Nana laughed, leaning in and booping her nose. ''But most importantly, I knew about _you.''_

If Lal were the colour of apple candies before, she was now true, fire truck red, the colour intensifying until she was almost purple. ''Oh.''

Nana giggled and swooped in for a kiss.

…Reborn snuck to the back door, knowing when to make himself scarce. Closing the door behind him quietly, he walked up to the kids. ''Just my presence alone is apparently capable of solving world problems, so let's get ice cream.''

Basil narrowed his eyes at him as Tsuna hid behind him. ''What did you do, Uncle Reborn?''

Reborn threw his head back, laughing. ''Nothing that will get your mother mad, I promise. Now, what flavour do you want? I'm sure you can lead me to the nearest parlour.''

This was apparently enough to satisfy the six-year-old's suspicion, because he took Reborn's hand without hesitation and said: ''Chocolate!''

It took the rest of the way to the parlour to coax an answer out of awfully shy Tsu-kun, but that was alright. They had all the time of the world.

Reborn doubted Lal would be leaving Japan any time soon.


End file.
